This past week has been huge in the living a lie department. The first male team athlete in the U.S. came out of the closet. This has given me the shot of courage I needed to make my own confession. Now I don't have fame or notoriety so no ESPN/SI for me only this simple blog to make my announcement to the world.
You see I have been living a lie. I'm not 100% sure when it started but moving overseas certainly sped up the process. In my line of work, it's not OK to be like me. People have the expectation I'll be like them. In a personality inventory it was even pointed out to me by a colleague I was different from everyone else (and I got the feeling that was not acceptable).
The pressure of living the lie has become to great. Constantly pretending to be something I am not. Living overseas has pushed me to the edge. I can no longer hide it. I have slowly been acting out and doing things that are more natural to me and the pretending has just become to difficult. I have to be honest with you and with myself. I AM AN INTROVERT. That's it, it is out now. That's right I like quiet, small crowds, a few friends, and my battery recharges with time by myself. This does not make me antisocial, it makes me social in the way God created me. It does not mean I don't love people. It means I love people the way Christ sometimes showed his love, to small intimate groups. I did not choose to be an introvert and love books and reading, and thinking. God made me this way and I am proud to live out my life to the fullest in the way God created me.
I by no means want to characterize Christ as an introvert or an extrovert, He was and is all things. But he did leave us a model as an introvert (he models for the extrovert too). He got away, he connected to the Father, he sought refuge in quiet. I would argue that being fully God he did not need to do any of these things, he did it as a model for us.
I hope you can accept me, I hope that you can accept me living the way God truly created me
2 comments:
Thank you Kyle for your confession, but this is something your friends knew all along :) It is sometimes good to be an introvert, but being in Serbia it is not always possible, especially not if Samuil is your friend....
My wife and I are too! Introverts unite! :)
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